“In the Front Row, On the Dole” Introduction –

The day I got fired I was riding down in the elevator from the 26th Floor. I found myself alone with my company’s CEO. He was looking at his Blackberry, but I was in an expansive mood and I thought, “I’m a reporter, here’s a source-like guy who is my own boss. What, am I afraid to talk to him?”

The CEO, whose name was Jim Malkin, was wearing cowboy boots as was his habit I dimly recalled from office gossip. Since I was wearing my usual footwear of garishly colored tennis sneakers, I said to him, “You can tell the cool guys in the office by their distinctive footwear.”

He stopped fiddling with his Blackberry and looked at me and said, “Yeah, brown shoes don’t make it. Looks like you’re old enough to know what I’m talking about.”

I nodded to assure him I’d gotten his reference to the Frank Zappa song and said, “Zappa’s OK, but I always preferred Captain Beefheart.”

Then the elevator got to the lobby and he said something like, “Right, see you.” and turned his attention back to his Blackberry.

This happened around 11 am. I was going out for my mid-morning break and to buy lunch at the Au Bon Pain in the lobby of our building.

About 2 pm, I was called into a conference room with my immediate boss and canned. Didn’t see it coming, but as soon as I realized I was toast, about the same time in the brief conversation that I realized why the human resources lady was there, I started worrying about the $4,000 in travel and entertainment expenses the company owed me.

In a bid to stave off getting fired, I had recently switched publications. At the new job, I’d done more traveling in the first few months that I used to do all year. I went to Las Vegas, Boston and to Miami twice so I had run up some sizable bills.

Because of the kind of cutbacks that had just cost me my job, I knew the human resources office was barely functioning. It could take months for them to process my expenses and by then, my credit cards would be piling up fat carrying charges.

Remembering my conversation with Jim Malkin, it occurred to me that I could use that chance meeting to get my expenses processed quickly.

I sent him an email:

Dear Jim,

I know I made a bad joke about our footwear in the elevator this morning, but is that any reason to fire me? Just kidding about the joke, but I did get fired this afternoon. I thought I’d ask you to see that human resources moves quickly to pay me the $4,000 dollars the company owes me for travel and expenses. Also I didn’t mean any disrespect to Zappa. After all, the Czechs nearly made him president so on top of everything else, that’s pretty good.

Sincerely,

Brent Shearer
Former senior editor
Money Management Executive

Malkin must have contacted human resources because I was paid quickly.