Rushdie's Rejects To Be Escorted By Row, Dole Principals Shearer, Skyhorse, Miller --

In a pact that threatens to remake the formerly staid world of readings and book parties, if the three Row, Dole principals could ever get invited to the later, Indian novelist Salman Rushdie's representative, Sarah Chalfant at Wylie, has inked a pact that calls for the two KGB bar patrons, Shearer and Skyhorse, and KGB employee, Miller, to serve as escorts for the many literary women of the city who would be thrilled to hang out with Rushdie.
As reported in a recent New York Times article, Rushdie is embracing the social opportunities of the city, now that his political problems have receded. His entry into the social whirl precedes the publication of his memoir, which will presumably tell the story of the years that the gregarious novelist was forced to live in seclusion.
"Regrettably, Salman cannot possibly chat with, meet for drinks, spend weekends at the country houses of all the women who find him fascinating. I have to thank Chris Jacobsen, Louie Miller's agent, who put together this deal that calls for the three KGB bar veterans to serve as stand-ins for Salman on the city's as well as the Hampton's and the Berkshire's social circuit."
For his part, Jacobsen played down press reports that said Shearer, as he is Rushdie's only generational peer among the three Salman-substitutes, will have to do the majority of the escorting. "We expect to spread the wealth evenly among the three KGB-Row, Dole gentlemen. We didn't select our Rushdie replacement escorts team without giving serious consideration to the talents and abilities of each of the team members. It wouldn't be fair if we load Brent up with most of the social opportunities growing out of this groundbreaking agreement. Plus, neither Skyhorse or Miller have those hillbilly-looking missing teeth that some society women fans of Rushdie's may find off-putting in Brent's otherwise charming self-presentation."
To make reservations to spend time with any of the KGB - Row, Dole Rushdie replacements, please contact Chris Jacobsen at the his lower Fifth Avenue office, the Strand kiosk opposite the Sherry-Netherland, as the well-connected agent eschews any but person-to-person inquiries.
In other news, an unidentified source said Rushdie doesn't consider Granta editor John Freeman "a Quisling" because he was willing to publish a Rushdie story turned down by the magazine's previous editor, Alex Clark.
Any implications that Freeman's willingness to do the bidding of the publication's owners resembled, although with an opposite outcome, the "Saturday Night Massacre" of the Watergate era is incorrect according to this individual.
(The "Saturday Night Massacre" was the term given by political commentators to U.S. President Richard Nixon's executive dismissal of independent special prosecutor Archibald Cox, and the resignations of Attorney General Elliot Richardson and Deputy Attorney General William Ruckelshaus on October 20, 1973.)